I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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