Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
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This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
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Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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