Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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