I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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