theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
