I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
