so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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