My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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