those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i dont even know how to be here
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
