i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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