I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
