I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I am mentally ready for anal.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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