The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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