Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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