sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
bring money and cleavage
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
