I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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