Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
