I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
