Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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