Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
