It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
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You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just want nice things and good sex
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I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
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