Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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