you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
