kristin has been a bad kristin
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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