he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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