Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
