I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
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GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
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to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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