I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
