It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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