Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
