threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
