Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
