how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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