I'm so fucking centered right now
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
