Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Randomize
