Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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