I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
