So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
