Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
