sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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