advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
