Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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