there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
