and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
