i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
