You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
