Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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