it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
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I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
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I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"