I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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