Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal