u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
