You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you