I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
