He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
