I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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