Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
