i need an iv and a liver transplant
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
