For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize