i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.