What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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