I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
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Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
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I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion