Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
You coming home soon, man?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.