just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong