sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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