recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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