where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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