just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
