Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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