i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
