I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
