i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
