I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
