I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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