Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
