It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
