This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
