FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
