I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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