just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
